Losing a baby not only has a devastating effect on the parents going through the loss but it can deeply effect family and friends too.

Unfortunately, pregnancy and baby loss is still a taboo subject.

We need our family and friends to be there for us, please check in on us even if it’s just a phone call or a text.

We have created this page to give guidance to family and friends to help them to try and understand the feelings and emotions of parents going through a pregnancy/baby loss.

Below are some things of what not and what to say or do to parents that have experienced a loss. These statements have come from parents themselves that have experienced a pregnancy/baby loss.

What NOT to say or do

“I know just how you are feeling, when I lost my mum/dad…” We don’t want to take away the fact that losing a parent is incredibly tough and heartbreaking because it is, but please try not to compare losses it is NOT the same. Instead say '“I am so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine the pain you are going through, but I am here for you.”

Ignore the subject or the person… some women will feel embarrassed after experiencing a loss because unfortunately pregnancy and baby loss is STILL a taboo subject. They may feel like everyone is staring at them so the worst thing you can do is ignore them or the subject completely. A cuddle, a text, a phone call or a card would mean the world to show that you are thinking of them.

Not acknowledging the name of the baby… Most parents (depending on the situation) will name their baby and why shouldn’t they? Please refer to the babies name when you talk about him/her, it will mean so much to the parents. The baby will be part of that family’s life forever, no matter how much time will pass.

“These things happen for a reason…” if you do believe that things happen for a reason that’s your choice however, DO NOT say this to a parent that has just suffered a loss of a baby. The parents are probably already wondering WHY? why has it happened to them? what did they do wrong? are they being punished for something? Please choose your words carefully. Say, “I am so sorry this has happened to you, I am always here for you whenever you need to talk.”

“Well at least you know you can get pregnant…” saying this is not helpful, we are not even thinking about trying for another baby right at that moment. We want the baby that we have lost, from the moment we saw that positive line on the pregnancy test that baby was a part of our lives.

“ My friend so-and-so lost a baby so you are not alone…” yes, that may be the case, we know that so many women go through this however, when you lose a baby you feel like you are the ONLY person in the world going through it, we feel for other parents we really do but this is OUR situation and nobody else’s and we do feel alone.

Please give us time, this is something we will never get over but with help from our family and friends we will get through it.

“At least you have a child already…” yes that is true, however we also wanted this child an no other child will replace the one we lost.

Things to say or do

“We are so sorry for your loss, please let us know if there is anything we can do for you…” something as simple as offering to help means the world to us, we may need you to get shopping or running errands for us as we won’t want to face anyone in the early days of losing a baby.

Please talk about our baby… always refer to his/her name and if you can please remember the anniversary of their loss. This will be a poignant day every single year. Maybe you could light a candle to show you are thinking of the parents or send a card.

A small token… Any small gesture that you can do will mean a lot. Something like donating to a charity such as a local support group like this one or The Miscarriage Association or The Lullaby Trust.

We hope you found this page useful. If you would like to donate to this group we would be so grateful.