What to do on Mother’s Day when grieving the loss of your baby
For many, Mother’s Day is a very happy and enjoyable day. A day to spend time with your mum, showering her with gifts and treats to show her just how much you appreciate everything that she does. Mother’s around the world will be feeling the love from their children and enjoying being spoilt and feeling so lucky. But, for some, Mother’s Day will be a very hard and upsetting day. For a mum who is grieving the loss of their baby, Mother’s Day is something that they wish would be over soon.
Ideas of what to do on Mother’s Day when grieving the loss of your baby
We asked some of our Angels and Rainbows volunteers, what they do on Mother’s Day to help them cope with the loss of their little one.
Amanda - “Mothers Day is always a tricky one... Half of me wants to just carry on with no one mentioning my loss and enjoy some nice time spent as a family with my two other children, but the other half of me wants to scream out "what about my other baby". It's days like Mothers Day that make me fear that he's being forgotten. Am I the only one who remembers him? Will his name be included in the cards? It's such a conflicting time for me.
We usually spend the day as a family, a nice walk in the woods or down the beach, followed by a big fat roast dinner. I will pop to the memorial garden, on my own and sit with Ellis' plaque for a while. I like to go alone on Mothers Day, I'm not really sure why. Overall, as expected, Mothers Day is an emotional one. I'm not generally a "talker" so I'll spend the day lost in my own thoughts, knowing that I'm still his Mummy, he's still my baby and that we'll meet again one day but also secretly hoping that people also remember that too.”
Natasha - “I never really know how I feel about Mother’s Day, it’s a mix of emotions for me, my two beautiful sons give me a card and gifts and we have a nice treat that day but quietly I think, I have a daughter also, but she’s not here. I enjoy the day and the cuddles with my boys but there’s always a sadness I feel inside because our little girl isn’t with us. I like to take a moment at some point on the day just to have her in my thoughts and this year I will light my special candle.”
Lisa - “Mother's Day will soon be with us and for us it is a day spent together as a family starting with a morning cuppa then gift opening and about remembering our Angel baby by saying his name through the day and lighting a candle at night.
Never forgotten, always treasured and forever loved”
Alice - “Mother’s Day has been different for me each year since becoming a mother, partly because Henry was our first born and therefore my first Mother’s Day was spent in a bubble of what if, a feeling of injustice and jealously. The year after I was blessed to have our rainbow baby, Arthur, and whilst I had him in my arms I understandably felt torn. You will never replace a child, and these special days just bring the feelings around loss to the forefront. How do you honour a child that you lost in the same way as you do a child you got to keep? This year I plan to cook a meal for my family, to take time to remember Henry who isn’t with us, and to enjoy the blessings of Arthur who is. Whilst I will no doubt proudly post a photo of both my babies, I give myself time to sit with my husband and just have a good cry, to talk about how special he was. I think it’s my way of honouring him. Whatever your Mother’s Day looks like, I hope you find some peace in the day. Please reach out if you need some support”
Hope these ideas have helped, but please remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Don’t feel guilty about being upset or if you are not in a position to see anyone. People will understand.
If you need some support, please reach out to us. Email angelsandrainbowsgroup@gmail.com.
Lots of love, Justine - Founder.
